For years now I have been talking to the lifts in the apartment-block. I enquire after their day; I tell them what's going on outside; the usual things; it's best to keep them on your side. But they are getting on a bit now. They've been sluggish of late. It takes noticeably longer to get to the upper floors. I've tried having a word with them; I've tried talking; but . . . well to be honest . . . they're a bit slow on the uptake.

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